All Over the Map

Jewber

In the taxis of the gentile,
The g-ddamn goy prices per mile
Are all over the map
So, get Jewber, the app
For both Hebrew and semitophile.

Judaism. There has never been a more determined people dedicated to meeting the letter of their own religious laws, while simultaneously concocting elaborate systems to technically skirt them. For example, writing “God” risks the sin of erasing or defacing the Lord’s name, but replace the “o” with a dash and the vast creator of the universe is apparently appeased. Likewise, there are many sabbath proscriptions, which have spawned some interesting Shomer Shabbat (sabbath observance) cheats. Autonomous systems, timers and various technological solutions are often employed. Why needlessly risk the wrath of the Almighty, when you can even get a goy (Hebrew for “gentile” or non-Jewish person or thing) to do it for you? Of course, Jewber is a riff on the popular taxi alternative Uber.

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