Elf on the Shelf
Each night that voyeur Christmas elf
Glares at you from on the shelf,
As naked in your chair
You surf the web and stare
At llama porn and touch yourself.
See also this limerick’s Web Porn companion pieces:
Since you probably know more about The Elf on the Shelf® than you do about llamas, here’s some completely useless llama trivia. South American relatives of the camel (Genus Camelus), vicuña (Vicugna vicugna), guanaco (Lama guanicoe) and alpaca (Vicugna pacos), llamas (Llama glama) are headstrong beasts of burden capable of carrying up to 100-pound (45kg) loads 20 miles (32km) in a single day over rough, mountainous terrain at high altitude. Llamas gestate for nearly a year. The young, called crias (CREE-ahs), weigh around 22 lbs (10 kg) at birth, and grow on average to 350 pounds (159kg) over the course of their lifetimes, which typically top out at 25 years. Since their domestication 3,000 to 5,000 years ago, their dung has been used as fuel for fires and their bodies harvested for wool, hide and meat. Though employed as pack, guard or companion animals, they are unsuitable for dairy production and cannot serve as mounts for human adults, due to relatively weak spines. Sources: Wikipedia, National Geographic, Mtn Peaks Therapy Llamas & Alpacas, and DesertUSA.