Her Majesty


Her Majesty’s servants convene
Each morning to scrub her cooz clean
With Pine-Sol® and a sponge,
Which shoulder-deep they all plunge,
Shouting, “At your cervix, my queen!”

According to Queen Massengill III’s Wikipedia article on the topic, douching is no longer recommended by medical practioners, because it is now known to contribute to, among other deliterious effects, “cervical cancer, pelvic inflammatory disease, endometritis, and increased risk of sexually transmitted infections.” Pine-Sol® is a cleaning solution produced and sold mostly in North America by the Clorox Company. Clorox may not manufacture or sell douches, but they are douches, if one believes PETA’s claims of animal testing.

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