Limericks, Rated PG

Massage Parlor

The massage parlor you’re attending
Regards gratuity spending
As not formal or stringent,
But rather contingent
On the merits of one’s happy ending.

A happy ending massage—”sensual massage with all the perks”—starts like any other, with a typical full-body rubdown, but it ends with a handjob. According to the AMTA, massage parlors are a $16 billion business in the United States. Illicit ones account for unknown billions of dollars, perhaps in the $3 billion range, for organized crime. Some 9,000 parlors are said to sex-traffic women. Meanwhile in China, prostitution generates $73 billion and involves some 5 million women. At least one in five massage parlors in China is involved in prostitution. However, having a masseuse “hit your airplane”—a Chinese euphemism for jacking off—hasn’t been illegal since 2013. The Atlantic reported that loopholes in the country’s penal (penile?) code exempted “masturbation services” from sex trade statutes that narrowly defined prostitution as paid intercourse.

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