Limericks, Rated G


Not long after barnacles hatch
They seek out a place to attach,
Where they live out their years
Stuck to ship hulls or piers,
Quite content with the plankton they catch.

A whale penis may be huge, but as far as the body-to-dick size ratio goes, whales don’t even begin to compare to the barnacle’s truly enormous pecker (relatively speaking, of course). The tiny crustacean—of which there over 1,200 recorded species—is a hermaphrodite, yet still sports a male organ up to nine times bigger than the rest of its 0.4-inch to 2.7-inch (1- to 7-centimeter) body. Compared to a human male, whose wang on average is around 3.5 inches (8.8 centimeters) long flaccid and 5.1 inches (12.9 centimeters) long erect, the human equivalent would be almost 30 inches soft and over 43 inches hard! Note: There are racial disparities. For blacks and Pacific Islanders, increase these figures by 65 percent. For Asians and East Indians, decrease by 40 percent and 25 percent, respectively. Sources: A-Z Animals, Medical News Today and Wikipedia.

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