Limericks, Rated G

The Eulogy of Jedediah Bittle

It’s no one’s intention to belittle
The memory of Jedediah Bittle,
But his untimely demise
Prompts us to scrutinize
Why his short life was a riddle.

Everyone knew Jed was flawed,
A dim, uneducated clod,
But as a musician—
What a juxtaposition!—
He played that damn fiddle like a god.

Doing what he loved, that’s how Jed died,
Despite what the coroner implied
About his state of mind
And how he was inclined
To despair and commit suicide.

Jed’s mouth always watered a little
When he’d start playing his fiddle,
But that day the fool
Secreted so much drool
That he drowned in a pool of his spittle.

Normal saliva production in the human mouth is about two bathtub’s worth annually. However, drooling is typically caused by saliva overproduction and the difficulty, for various reasons, of keeping said spit inside the mouth. Causes range from the inconsequential to the serious, from infections and allergies to Parkinson’s disease, muscular dystrophy, multiple sclerosis, Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, autism and stroke.

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