Limericks, Rated R

Never Pay Retail

All callgirls inflate their wage scale,
So fuck ’em, never pay retail;
Bargain hard, haggle tough
For that overpriced muff
And dicker like hell for it wholesale.

Manhattan escorts, it’s said, have a median income of $900 an hour, topping out at $2,000 an hour with a two-hour minimum. A weekend is around $30,000. Stumpy’s advice: “Negotiate. I once traded a secondhand Keurig machine and a paperback copy of Mein Kampf in Swahili for a threesome with two hot and limber Estonian chicks in Helsinki in 2011. Of course, I’m charismatic, handsome and have a rhinocerous cock, but that’s beside the point. You can do it, too!”

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