Limericks, Rated R

The Rum of St. Croix

Drinking on St. Croix is no picnic,
As more than likely you’ll get sick;
Since that letch Captain Morgan
Plugs bungholes with his organ,
The rum tastes of treacle and dick.

Captain Henry Morgan was a real historical figure in the seventeenth century. A Welshman by birth, he rose through the ranks to become a successful and feared privateer—a legal pirate, essentially—hired to harass, engage, plunder and destroy naval vessels and settlements from the Spanish main to the Americas. He was knighted by King Charles II. Later he served as Lieutenant Governor of Jamaica. He died in 1688 after many years of pickling his liver with alcohol. Incidentally, a bunghole is the bored aperture through which a barrel, cask or keg is filled and emptied (it also means “anus” in American slang). A large cork called a bung inserted into the bunghole keeps the liquid contents from spilling out. Black treacle is the British equivalent of molasses, the sweet syrup derived of sugar cane or sugar beet juice refinement. It is a key ingredient in rum.

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