Why is Jared so enamored with his girlfriend?
Because her birthday last week pushed her from a perfect nine to a perfect ten.
Why did Jared recently turn up deep in a Kentucky coal pit?
Because he heard he could get down and dirty with some minors.
When camping, what does Jared spend most of his time doing?
Girl scouts.
In the wake of the scandal, why does Jared think his wife’s anger is unjustified?
He told her before they got married that he wanted children, so why’s the bitch pissed now?
Why did Jared begin to prefer equines over human girls?
Because horses offer stable sexual relationships.
What kind of case dossier does the FBI have on Jared?
A pedo file.
Why is Jared’s sentence oddly like his predilection for young girls?
He’s satisfied with most things between 5 1/2 and 12 years.
How will Jared’s incarceration resemble the Subway sandwiches he eats?
Lots of Hepatitis-infected meat shoved into his mouth.
Why does Jared carpool with his girlfriend?
Her middle school is on his route to work.
Jared Fogle became a paid spokesman for the sandwich chain Subway in 2000 and made $15 million telling of his 200-pound weight loss on a diet of the restaurant’s food. He was later arrested for, and admitted to, sex with numerous children as young as six years old. He also collected and distributed child pornography, wished to secretly film children, and was arranging to copulate with a horse at the time of his arrest.
