Santa Fights for Everyone

Santa’s airborne and climbing,
The North Pole receding fast,
Bells ringing and lights shining,
Streaking through the overcast.

From the sleigh’s vintage eight-track,
A Christmas carol booms,
A contrail billows out the back,
And ahead the target looms.

High up at cruise altitude,
Master Arm switch on: Check!,
He looks down with certitude
At the halls he’s about to deck.

Santa’s already five by five
With a very special toy,
A gift that leaves none alive
That he’s happy to deploy.

Donning night-vision goggles,
The glide bomb switch is hot,
Air-to-ground mode he toggles,
Saint Nicholas takes the shot.

The bomb’s laser-seeker head
Locks on the pulses of light,
As it plummets off the sled
And away into the night.

No sound is heard in the cockpit,
But the right display goes white.
“Impact!” he cries, “Direct hit!
“How’s that for ‘merry and bright’!”

Santa fights for everyone,
Red, white and blue strands blinking,
He will do what must be done:
The thing we’ve all been thinking.

Among the scorched rubble piles,
Classified documents burn,
Along with the Epstein files
And fraudulent tax returns.

He grins and changes course,
The threat no longer exists,
His vile name erased henceforth
From all of the naughty lists.

Up soon is close air support
In Ukraine at the Donetsk front,
After a strike package escort
And a Black Sea tanker hunt.

Santa fights for everyone,
Red, white and blue strands blinking,
He will do what must be done:
The thing we’ve all been thinking.

Santa roars through the yuletide skies,
To emancipate us all;
The one fact we can’t deny
Is that he answered the call.

Santa fights for everyone,
Red, white and blue strands blinking,
He will do what must be done:
The thing we’ve all been thinking.