Jokes, Rated R

Donald Trump

How is it obvious that Trump and his hairstylist are having an affair?
She combs over all the time.

How does Trump manage to never misplace anything?
The FSB (Russian Federal Security Service, successor of the KGB) is happy to rewind blackmail surveillance video to show him where he left something.

What does a Kraft Mac and Cheese turd and Trump have in common?
They’re both orange pieces of shit that inexplicably rise to the top.

What’s the difference between Pinocchio and Trump?
One is lying child that vaguely resembles a human being. The other is a wooden puppet.

Why do tardy Russian hookers confuse Trump?
Because he can’t decide if he should be pissed off or pissed on.

Why does Ivanka always have her mobile phone handy when having sex with Trump?
So she can leave straight away after he tweets, “Just came. Sex terrible. AGAIN. Sad!”

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