Sad Eunice

Sad Eunice bid dry land adieu
To entice some dolphins to screw;
By all accounts, it would seem,
She fulfilled her wet dream;
Now her life’s full of porpoise anew.

This piece was inspired by real-life zoophile Malcolm Brenner, who writes of his nine-month sexual relationship with Dolly the Dolphin in his book, Wet Goddess, as reported by the Huffington Post. Brenner maintains that she seduced him. Incidentally, the homonym du jour regards Eunice, a woman’s name, and yunus, which is Turkish for “dolphin.” The wordplay in the last line regards “purpose” and “porpoise.” Strictly speaking, porpoises and dolphins may appear quite similar, but they are different species of cetacean. In rare cases they can even produce offspring in the same way that lions and tigers, goats and sheep, and donkeys and horses create hybrids. Porpoises are smaller than dolphins, with differently shaped dorsal fins, beaks and teeth. Habitat also tends to be quite different.