The Age-Old Standby

In the absence of actual sex,
Alternatives aren’t so complex;
For the typical guy,
The age-old standby
Is web porn, Jergens and Kleenex.

See also this limerick’s Web Porn companion pieces:

• Elf on the Shelf
• From the Internet

Since MTV is the recognized world leader in cutting-edge, pud-pounding research, let’s look at some facts about male masturbation. Apparently, 80 percent of guys have tossed off by the age of 17. In the old days, National Geographic magazine provided racist whacking material each month. By adulthood, upwards of 92 percent admit to having “choked the bishop,” often by way of the 7+ million Fleshlights sold worldwide. Read more “17 Random Facts About Masturbation That Will Make Your Head Explode.”