Farts

This Christmas

NEWARK, NEW JERSEY, USA — You messed up big time. Santa’s displeased. Here’s the terrible tally of your misdeeds this past year.

NORTH POLE — Santa is a sick individual with sadomasochistic tendencies. But you knew that already.

HELSINKI, FINLAND — Is that the smell of birch boughs? Fuck, no.

GIZA PLATEAU, EGYPT — Decipher ancient Egyptian symbols. Learn something you didn’t know. Try vainly to forget it.

COLON, MICHIGAN, USA — An ass with a mind of its own will invariably rebel. It never ends well.

NORTH POLE — The fat man in the red suit is a disgusting deviant with poor hygiene.